When I first kissed a girl, I had no idea it was a daring move, a slap to a society stifled with conformities that sometimes resembled chains that shackled one’s freedom to live. I had no idea it was a colourful rainbow that stood gaunt against a grey sky laden with gloomy clouds, clouds that threatened every second to swallow up this beauty.
I had no idea it was different to what people were used to and it put a crease to their frown and a pout to their lips. I had no idea being attracted to girls was an anomaly, a shame, an abomination that soaked my whole life form into the murky waters of self-consternation for many years to come. I had no idea being a lesbian was as bad as being a murderer in a society where moral decadence was a rot that had already eaten away at the embers of its growth.
I had been attracted to my gender for as long as I could remember and when I got into secondary school and listened to girls gush about boys and how cute they were and how good they kissed, I couldn’t bring myself to relate with their tales. I would listen and smile, feeling all the more detached with each second that passed. They did not think I was weird or introverted, they just thought I had no interest whatsoever in dating, which was partly true. I had no interest in dating boys. I wanted to be with only girls.
I started to notice Fumilayo in my SS1, when our new found puberty started kicking in and our young beautiful mounds had begun sprouting out. Girls grew and matured in places that intrigued me, even I noticed the changes in my body and my perfect breasts that had begun to take shape. A lot of us even began having our menses in those years, even though some had seen theirs a lot earlier. Fumilayo stayed in the room next to mine and usually sauntered into my room to have a conversation or borrow something. I couldn’t take my eyes off her very pink lips, her freckles and her skin that glowed like warm sun. I subconsciously craved to be her best friend, so I gave her whatever she needed whenever she came to our room to ask a favour.
Soon we became friends but the attraction was one sided, I didn’t have the nerve to explore if Fumi was a lesbian like I was, I kept everything platonic and laughed drily when she talked about boys. She asked if I had a crush on any and I replied I didn’t like boys, she misunderstood and asked if I had been hurt by one but I couldn’t bring myself to answer.
The day I kissed her, I never meant to and she never expected it. She returned the kiss. Passionately. Hers was more of curiosity but mine went deeper. I had taken a bold step and thus my life story would begin in a society that would continuously fail to accept me as human.
